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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29632587">I’ll have some in a bit</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tyler_Sky27/pseuds/Tyler_Sky27'>Tyler_Sky27</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Umbrella Academy (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - No Apocalypse (Umbrella Academy), Angst, Anorexia, Author Projecting, Diego Hargreeves is Bad at Feelings, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Eating Disorders, Family Bonding, Fuck Luther I just hate him so I won’t write him, Ghost Number Six | Ben Hargreeves, Klaus Hargreeves Deserves Better, Klaus Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Klaus Hargreeves Needs Help, Klaus Hargreeves Whump, Klaus Hargreeves-centric, M/M, Mentioned David "Dave" Katz, Protective Ben Hargreeves, Protective Diego Hargreeves, Sober Klaus Hargreeves, Some Humor, Worried Diego Hargreeves, vent fic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 19:15:58</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>15,607</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29632587</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tyler_Sky27/pseuds/Tyler_Sky27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Newly sober Klaus sees ghost. Nothing new. A certain ghost dies and instead of screaming about her death like the rest she simply watches Klaus. Watches him eat with a look of disgust. She decided she will help him. </p><p>This is my first fic so be nice lmao also title is I’ll have some in a bit by my absolute favourite band Crywank. Have a listen if you like listening to hot music for cool people</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Allison Hargreeves &amp; Diego Hargreeves &amp; Klaus Hargreeves &amp; Vanya Hargreeves &amp; Number Six | Ben, Allison Hargreeves &amp; Klaus Hargreeves, Ben Hargreeves &amp; Diego Hargreeves &amp; Klaus Hargreeves, Ben Hargreeves &amp; Klaus Hargreeves, Diego Hargreeves &amp; Klaus Hargreeves, Klaus Hargreeves &amp; Everyone, Klaus Hargreeves/David "Dave" Katz, Number Five | The Boy &amp; Klaus Hargreeves</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>84</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Skinny ghosts</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>TW for anorexia and eating disorders. There might be more TW and I’ll add them to the notes if they appear in more chapters.</p><p>Also this is my first fic so I’m sorry if it’s bad.</p><p>Basically set in a world were they stopped the first apocalypse and the house was never destroyed. They live together well besides Vanya who technically has a life or whatever and lives in apartment but is mainly at the academy.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Klaus was always skinny. After being a homeless junkie for most of his life his only money went to drugs. Food was never a priority in his life. Sometimes when he was high he’d eat thousands of calories and not even remember it and other times he would forget to eat for days until Ben reminded him. But even then he still did not feel hungry. </p><p>It never bothered him, he didn’t really understand why it bothered Ben if he was honest. So what if he fainted every now and then or if his hair was falling in clumps. Not Klaus. He would usually chalk the fainting to drugs he wasn’t sure how they could make him faint but there wasn’t any other reason that came to his mind. Sure he didn’t really eat but he couldn’t make the connection, he didn’t want to. </p><p>When he moved back into the academy that changed and he slowly ate again. Once withdrawals settled down he found himself becoming hungry again. Grace’s cooking was too good to refuse and his body was more than happy to finally get to use his metabolism. He was finally eating normally, he was finally eating. Ben was happy and Klaus was getting used to it. It was a big leap and sometimes he still felt bad but he ate nonetheless. Klaus ate.</p><p>But all good things come to an end soon and newly sober Klaus livinging in a house full of ghosts, finally meets a ghost more annoying than Ben. He didn’t interact with her at first, he never does talk to the little ghostys besides when he yells at them to shut up cause one of his siblings is probably saying something important. Turns out that just makes them louder cause how dare he not listen to them babble on out about their little over dramatic deaths. </p><p>“Bennerino, how big is the sober thing anyways. Like would you yell at me if I just decided to drop it?” Klaus sarcastically asked his hand grasping his ears after the man with a hole in his head couldn’t take a hint that Klaus didn’t care about him or his insane wife. <br/>“Yes I would yell at you, dumbass.” Ben replied blankly but he did look empathetic for the junkie. <br/>“You're not gonna right?” He asked and Klaus shook his head <br/>“Just jokes, Bentley” Ben gave him a look. A French ghost with no fingers started screaming at him coming directly into his face making the seance jump back.</p><p>Klaus groaned and searched around for his earphones. Before a small hand grabbed his own, well not really grabbed just phased through.<br/>“Hey no touching the merchandise” Klaus shivers <br/>“Not what I would call merchandise” a quiet voice responds. Her hands are skeletal and her eyes are haunting as she looks Klaus up and down.<br/>“No! You wound me so” He brought a hand to his chest in mock offence, sparking a smile to Ben’s face. </p><p>She stared at him unamused before talking again <br/>“You really could stand to lose some weight y’know? All cards on the table, I used to admire you but now I can see how you’ve changed and how you eat. It’s so disgusting. Look at yourself” Klaus frowned at that. He knew he had gained weight. That's what happens when you eat three meals a day for the first time in however many years. He decided on rolling his eyes before finally grabbing his earphones. He didn’t need any ghost advice, he had Ben.</p><p>He didn’t see her again for a week, he was eating dinner with the rest of the umbrella academy. Ever since he saw the little girl his eating has been off but he loved the Friday night ritual. Spending time with his family around the dinner table. Unlike when they were growing up it was filled with talking and laughing there was no reggie to yell at Klaus there wasn’t any stupid earl Carl or whatever his name was on the radio. But most importantly there was no “No talking at the table Number Four” it was just sibling bonding. </p><p>Well siblings and a little girl who stared at Klaus who was trying to eat the whole time making him uncomfortable. He tried ignoring her, he did. It’s just hard to not hear her screaming at him, so direct nothing about revenge or a retelling of her death like most ghosts, it was her screaming at him for eating. For being… fat. Klaus didn’t really want to dissect the obvious fatphobia, especially not to a ghost who was currently talking about how gigantic he was. He slowly lost his appetite over the night. Standing for his chair and leaving his plate mostly full.<br/>“Hey Benjamin I might hit the hay early” he clapped his hands flamboyantly before blowing kisses at his family goodnight. Allison and Vanya giggled while Diego hid a small smile and Five grumpily wished him goodnight between sips of a coffee that Mom didn’t allow. </p><p>“Hey Klaus” Ben said as they walked up the stairs <br/>“Yes brother dearest”<br/>“I- I could hear her too and you know she isn’t right. You shouldn’t listen to her.” Klaus was taken aback for a moment does Ben not see his weight gain? It’s so obvious. The girl is right he has gained and he is getting fat, Klaus isn’t that stupid to not notice it. He wasn’t denying it, he was just upset she was saying it. But never mind that,  he waved his hand at his ghost brother putting on one of his best fake smiles. <br/>“Of course I know Benny boy I’m not that stupid. Only a blind person couldn’t see how sexy I am” he wiggled his eyebrows enthusiastically. </p><p>Ben let out a small laugh sounding relieved and they continued their journey to Klaus’ room. The little girl followed and listened a few steps behind. Although she didn’t necessarily have footsteps Klaus could still hear the difference between his heavy footsteps and her fragile steps that didn’t leave a creaking noise on the stairs. Sure he couldn’t hear any footsteps in the first place but he’d like to imagine that’s what they sounded like, well he actually hated to imagine it.</p><p>That night Klaus stared at the ceiling, his hand trailed up his blanket to feel his stomach through his shirt. He shivered feeling rolls for the first time in his life. Maybe he should listen to the little girl next time Ben isn’t there, Ben just didn’t get these things. Maybe he should also learn the little girls name. So when Ben finally strolled out of Klaus room phasing through the wall to go check on his other siblings the girl engaged in some friendly conversation with Klaus<br/>“I can see the stomach rolls too, fat ass” Klaus gasped in mock offence. Or maybe he was actually offended. <br/>“That’s not a very nice thing to say, little girl. No that sounds creepy, what's your name ghost bestie” His real Ghost bestie was Ben but he wasn’t gonna hurt her feelings by revealing that shocking information. <br/>“I don’t remember” she said blankly staring into the distance for a split second “call me Ana”.</p><p> He laughed slightly at the name choice and knew exactly what she meant. She didn’t seem to find it funny at all. Staring grumpily at him.<br/>“Did you know when you laugh the fat on your cheeks jiggle” she pointed out rudely a venom to her tone<br/>“No. I did not notice” he stated blankly rolling his eyes. He kept that bit of information in the back of his head though, to remember what he needs to work on. <br/>“Maybe you should notice more often. I guess that’s why you look like this. You stopped caring, stopped noticing. It’s sad to see” she paused for a second in fake thought making Klaus shiver.<br/>“I could help you” maybe he did need help. He misses his ribs poking out, he misses his cheekbones. So with a small nod of his head, he agrees. Ana smiled. It was a Grimm dark smile that could only be made by the dead. The ones without any sense of good left in their bodies, any sense of decency. He found himself smiling back.</p><p>The next morning would be the first of many where he would finally be getting back into his skinny self. He’d finally go back to that beautiful feeling of starvation and if he can’t have the drugs then he’s gonna have his own type of high. The high you can only get from not eating for days, from running until you're breathless. <br/>He woke up to Ana staring directly at him, her dark gaze scaring the ex junkie. He waved his hello palm at her in a non verbal greeting and pulled himself out of bed. He was immediately stopped by Allison who was walking past his door.<br/>“Oh sorry Klaus I didn’t see you there. I was just getting Vanya for breakfast” She smiled <br/>“Not a problem at all, dearest sister of mine. I didn’t know Vanya stayed the night”<br/>“Oh yeah well you went to bed pretty early but me and Vanya had a sleepover without you. Sorry Klaus but snooze you lose, literally” she let out a small laugh at her own joke. Before waving him off <br/>“Anyways it’s breakfast time Grace made smiley pancakes” she emphasised her point by making a bacon smile on her own face finally leaving Klaus to go get their other sister. Klaus looked over at Ana who simply shook her head. No words, just a simple head shake ‘no’ and that’s all that Klaus needed to decide against breakfast. </p><p>He found Ben downstairs watching the family sit on the table while he sat his ghostly ass on the counter. His eyes full of envy of his living siblings.<br/>“Creep” Klaus muttered as he passed Ben causing a scoff from the ghostly sibling. He decided on sitting on the counter with Ben the further away he was from breakfast, the better. He fell into mindless conversation with his favourite sibling but he was mostly zoned out while Ben went off about whatever book he read. He fell into his own thoughts, his little plans for the week and numbers filling his brain. He had never been good at math but when it came to calories and the numbers on the scale he was a genius. He sat like that for a while sometimes zoning back in and listening to Ben's chatter or hearing their siblings talk at the table. <br/>“Hey Klaus” his thoughts were interrupted by Diego calling from the table. Klaus looked over at his bro<br/>“Yes brother dearest?” Diego rolled his eyes at the greeting. <br/>“Are you gonna eat something or what?” He asked and Klaus froze slightly before catching himself <br/>“Oh no thanks I’m not hungry. Wait this reminds of this one time I was with this guy and his girlfriend and-“ he was cut off from his story he was using to distract Diego by the man himself. <br/>“I know the one your telling me” <br/>“Oh really?” Klaus asked semi confused<br/>“Yes it ends with you getting arrested and passing out in the police car then escaping the hospital. I was there after it happened you came to my house, dumbass” Klaus laughed at his brother who returned the gesture with a slight smirk.<br/>“Yes yes!! Wow you know me so well, you probably stalk me as much as Benny boo does” Klaus clapped his hands and then stood up feeling a tad bit dizzy but that’s what happens when you haven’t eaten in 18 hours. It’s just a bit dizzy, nothing big. Nothing at all. He remembers the numbers from when he lived on the streets 24, 35, 56, 72 hours gone without eating at all. 18 hours was nothing to him. He looked at Ana hesitantly and she just nodded her approval. Suddenly fingers snapped in front of him and he completely forget he was talking to Diego <br/>“Sorry what?” He asked. Diego scoffed and left the room and he realised the rest of his siblings were gone. How long had he been standing there? </p><p>Maybe he could go 24 hours today. It’s his first counter fast in months, well technically years after ten months in Vietnam. Then he wondered what Dave would think of all this. ‘Maybe that’s why Dave didn't show up?’ He thought to himself and part of him believed it. He didn’t think Dave was low enough to judge someone for their weight but maybe Dave felt the same disgusting feeling Klaus did when he saw his body. Oh. Dave hated him. That makes more sense than any reasons Ben came up with on why Dave never showed up. Dave hated Klaus for gaining weight for being the ugly creature Ana called him. Maybe that’s another reason to not eat, for Dave. Yeah Dave, sweet Dave would like him better like this. Klaus grasped the dog tags and ignored Ben telling him to get something to eat for lunch. He wasn’t hungry anyways.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Ana you save my soul</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Klaus has a nice Family dinner with an anorexic ghost watching. Ben manifests and we get a little angsty Klaus cause I like to put my pain into others</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Okay I think this starts of a bit bad but got better? Also I’m turning this into an angst gold mine but I do wanna add some humour cause I think only having angst is a bit too ooc.<br/>Anyways I hope you all like it :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The long dreaded breakage of the fast is here. Klaus couldn’t be more scared. Grace hasn’t started cooking yet and that gave him an idea. He dropped himself from the counter he was sitting on and walked over to his mother.</p><p>“Hey mom, whatcha cookin good looking. Never mind that’s the worst thing I’ve ever said.” Klaus rambled while his mother stared at him with a smile<br/>
“I was thinking about making a macaroni and cheese bake!” She declared and Klaus shuddered.</p><p> Without realising it too much he looked over to Ana who looked disgusted at the idea of all that pasta and cheese. She shook her head furiously and opened her mouth to yell at Klaus before he shushed her. Grace watched Klaus talk to the invisible girl with curiosity, her children are so silly.<br/>
“Well, mom uh that sounds really amazing but what if we aimed for something lower in calories! Between you and me fives growing body doesn’t need all those calories” he said the last part in a whisper as if joking but also scared five would hear and murder him. </p><p>Grace stared at him in robot thought before nodding<br/>
“I could make a cauliflower rice stir fry. You children need the veggies to get big and strong” she laughed to herself before walking to the kitchen.</p><p>Klaus breathed out a bit of relived air and started to walk back to his room or maybe walk up and down the stairs a bit. That’s when he noticed Ben had stopped his creeping sessions on his siblings and was watching Klaus. He looked upset and Klaus just plastered on a stupid grin ignoring his dead brothers calls. Ben just didn’t get it. </p><p>Diego and Allison walked in together which was an unusual but not unwelcomed sight. Also a great way to ignore Ben<br/>
“Hey Klaus, we were just talking about you, well we were talking about Ben but same thing” he changed his mind. It was a terrible way to ignore Ben. Fuck the little girl and her stupid bike for giving him an amazing brother like Ben.<br/>
“What about the little shit heel?” Klaus asked and for some reason saying his name made him feel bad for ignoring him so insulting his favourite ghost brother should make Klaus feel better.<br/>
“We were talking to five about training you so you can manifest him again, like in the icarus theatre” Allison said with the nicest tone and no matter how “nice” of a tone it couldn’t help the fear the burrowed itself in Klaus’ stomach.</p><p> If Ben could become corpereal so could the others. A quick glance towards the man with blood dripping from his body like rain made Klaus decide against answering seriously.<br/>
“That sounds amazing and all but I’m sure it was nothing, anyways it’s dinner time and I’m starving” 
literally
”come on favourite siblings”<br/>
Allison didn’t push it further and Diego just watched Klaus with a scowl of disappointment but opted to help set up the table. </p><p>During dinner Ana sat next to him on Ben’s seat. On Ben’s seat. On BENS seat. That shouldn’t be allowed but when he opened his mouth to tell her she opened hers<br/>
“You’ve done so good today, I’m proud of you” Klaus stared in disbelief he completely forgot how good it felt to be complimented like that. Complimented without their own selfish reasons wether that’s sex or drugs or attention. Complimented just for the sake of complementing</p><p>Klaus just nodded his thanks before staring at the plate below him. Would eating this make her not proud anymore? No screw that he was hungry and all he could think of was shoving the cauliflower into his mouth. He notices Ben talking to Ana, she doesn’t respond but just stares at Klaus. Ben does the same.<br/>
“If you keep undressing me with your eyes I’m gonna catch a cold” (I loved that line in s2 omg) Ben smiled slightly and Ana looked away.<br/>
“What?” Vanya asked from across the table and he just waved her off. With shaking hands from fear and hunger Klaus took the fork and shoveled dinner into his mouth. It was both the best thing he’s ever eaten and the worst. It was an amazing taste that soon turned to ash in his mouth and made him swallow harshly. </p><p>“So, Allison and Diego were talking to me about manifesting Ben” Five mentioned and Klaus nearly dropped his fork if he didn’t have a tight white knuckle grip on it.<br/>
“Uh yeah about that-“<br/>
“No Klaus I don’t see why you wouldn’t want to manifest our dead brother. You know bro sometimes you're really selfish” Diego Spoke sounding sort of angry as he cut Klaus off. Klaus stared at Diego then looked over to Ben’s seat which was now occupied by Ben and not Ana. Ben looked worried. </p><p>“Klaus please you can manifest me now and I’ll tell them to stop asking, give them what they want please”<br/>
“Your gonna-“<br/>
“I won’t, I won’t bring it up to them. But you also need to stop listening to that asshole” Ben sighs before looking back at his brother<br/>
“I thought it was better now, now that you had a place to get food from and you were sober so it wasn’t like you had drugs numbing your appetite. I thought it wouldn’t  be like this again”<br/>
“You thought wrong Benny boo” Klaus had a small sad smile on his face, he hated making Ben upset.<br/>
“Klaus please take this seriously. I don’t want you to be like this again. It’s stupid, it’s so fucking stupid” Klaus was sure the whole table was looking at him have a conversation with an invisible person. He made sure to watch what he was saying, it’s not like they cared anyways.<br/>
“Benjamin Ben Benny boo, it’s fine I promise you it’s all for a good reason you know? Like maybe Dave might actually want to see me!” Klaus exclaimed the last part with pure delight and clapped his hands<br/>
“What? Wait you think Dave isn’t showing up just cause you’ve gained weight?” Klaus nodded<br/>
“That’s the dumbest thing you have ever said to me and I’ve had to sit with you through your weird ass cocaine rants about how all dogs are boys and all cats are girls which turned into you remaking the declaration of independence”.</p><p>Maybe Ben was right maybe he was just being stupid. That’s who he was though Stupid, lying, coward Klaus. Scared of the little shadows in his room like a dumbass.<br/>
“Just manifest me please Klaus. I won’t say anything” and out of pure annoyance and cowardice Klaus did as he said not wanting to continue this conversation.</p><p>All his siblings gasped looking up from their food to see Ben. Klaus just stared at his blue hands that were shaking more than they did when he was on Coke.<br/>
“Ben!” Was shouted among the collective voices of his siblings' excitement. He felt happy for his siblings he really did. But he couldn’t help the anxious feeling that came whenever he saw any ghost, even Ben. He was just scared and hungry. So while his siblings talked with Ben about this and that he tuned out and did his best to eat. </p><p>“-And that’s how i convinced Klaus to through rocks at the academy” Klaus lifted his head at the mention of his name and saw his siblings. Saw their tear stained faces even the tough Luther, saw how happy Ben looked and that stopped him from finishing his meal. Was he the only thing stopping his siblings from being happy? Because of his childish fear of the dead? But looking around the room hearing the quiet moan of his name and seeing the broken dead bodies that were saying it over and over. He listened as they ruined his name the name he worked hard to get, the name his mother gifted him. He grew angry and with anger he grew tired.</p><p>“Benjamin I think it’s nap time” Klaus finally spoke sluggishly since when was he sweating so bad? Ben looked over at his brother as if he forgot Klaus was there which ow that hurt. But the look of forgetfulness turned into worry seeing Klaus look tired and sweaty his face gaining a red and his blue hands shaking. He looked to his other siblings.<br/>
“Take care of him, I love you assholes” then he faded from view. Klaus stuck a finger up at now invisible Ben who returned it with a stuck out tongue.<br/>
“Alright siblings time to disband the Ben fan club it’s time to go to sleepy town. Gute nacht” </p><p>“Hey Benny boy” Klaus asked once they were sitting mostly alone in his room if you didn’t include the lost souls of the dead.<br/>
“Yes Klaus?”<br/>
“About Dave, think I was right. I mean I’m always right” Klaus said with a fake ego but a grin that could fool anyone.<br/>
“No you weren’t and I think you know that too” okay almost anyone. Ben has been stalking him since he died so he can see through Klaus’ little act.<br/>
“But I mean why else, like I know other people liked me better deadly skinny then well now” he gestured to his stomach as he said ‘now’.<br/>
“Klaus don’t say that he’s a good person. I mean I can only assume from what you’ve said he won’t judge you for your weight” Klaus nodded his head as if he was agreeing, which he was far from. Ben said his goodnight before drifting out of his room to go stalk his siblings or whatever he does when Klaus sleeps. </p><p>Now Ben is gone Ana finally looks at Klaus<br/>
“150+ 210” she said out of nowhere<br/>
“What?”<br/>
“150 was the amount of calories in the meal you ate and 210 from the drink. 360 in total”<br/>
“Oh… is that a lot?” Klaus used to count calories but there was barley ever a way for him to count them most of the time. When he lived in the academy he would always ask mom for his calories and he would easily add them and subtract from them. He was a calorie genius.

“Not really. It could’ve been less but 300 is still a good range, my maximum was always 400. I think you just need a bit more help and you can get rid of that-” she gestured to his body “-fat”<br/>
He sighed before turning over he was so tired. He was so fucking tired.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Of all things I will soon grow tired</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Brief training with Vanya and a small jog with Diego.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Poor Klaus but at the same time I’m gonna keep projecting so he can deal with my problems and I don’t have to. Sorry not sorry babe</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Klaus woke up feeling like shit. Almost as bad as when he time traveled. He looks at the time and between the waking up screaming and staring into nothingness he only got a couple hours of sleep.<br/>
“You know sleep problems is a reason people gain weight” Ana spoke staring at the heap of limbs tangled in multiple blankets.<br/>
“And did you know shut up” Klaus hid his head under the blanket and put his good bye hand in her general direction. She scoffed and rolled her eyes.<br/>
“Hate to say it but she’s right in her own way you need to sleep better” Ben added Klaus moved his raised palm from Ana’s general direction to Ben’s.<br/>
“Klaus you gotta get up Vanya is doing training you said you’d go and translate for me” Klaus said he would help Vanya but everyone knew that meant being the Ben translator.</p>
<p>“But bennither I’m tired”<br/>
“Well maybe you should sleep better”<br/>
“Maybe you should sing me a lullaby every night and then I can sleep better”<br/>
“Drop dead”<br/>
“You first” Klaus rose from his bed looking at Ben with a grin. Ben had his own plastered on his face. Klaus liked making Ben happy, it felt like a small payback on his massive debt for having to deal with junkie Klaus. And regular Klaus.</p>
<p>Klaus strolled on unsteady feet down the stairs humming to himself and gripping onto the railing. After breaking his jaw he became a bit hesitant with stairs. But weeks without being able to eat solid food? Sign Klaus up. The smell of waffles hit Klaus nose as he reached the kitchen, shit does he want those waffles. As if asking for permission he looked to Ana </p>
<p>“I mean if you really want to stop your progress, sure have all that sugar and syrup” her voice dripped with sarcasm like how her arms dripped with blood. He might pass on the waffles for something a little less well calories. He rummaged through the fridge and found a protein shake that was surprisingly on the lower end of calories. As he grabbed it he saw Diego look at him in shock<br/>
“Mom is making waffles” He said but it sounded more like a question than a statement.<br/>
“I’m fine with some good old protein, I’m gonna be just like you when I grow up!” He flexed his arm and his lack of muscles was obvious.<br/>
“Whatever you say bro” Diego let out a light chuckle before going back to eating. </p>
<p>Five blinked into the room followed by Vanya who was taking her time to walk into the room, both holding coffee cups. Five took a sip of his.<br/>
“Good morning inferiors” Five welcomed<br/>
“Your in a chipper mood today, brother dearest”<br/>
“Vanya and I finally got some decent coffee”<br/>
“Oh your caffeine addiction is just adorable” Klaus leaned forward and booped his brother’s nose<br/>
“Good mood ruined I am now planning world domination” Five swatted at Klaus’ hand and Vanya giggled from the background. </p>
<p>Klaus drank down the protein drink and checked the nutrition information on the back constantly. Ana looked at the label and immediately knew the calories saying this to Klaus who just shrugged her off. He moved to stand up since the rest of his siblings were now outside helping Vanya train, it sounded like a good excuse to burn calories. Because according to Ana 120 is too much for breakfast. </p>
<p>He found his siblings gathered in the courtyard Vanya was split from the group and they were all watching her as her eyes glowed white and the wine glass she’d been staring at shattered. Wow she was powerful.<br/>
“How is this gonna burn calories?” Ana questioned as Klaus stood next to Diego. Klaus smiled at her as if that was a response before turning to Diego<br/>
“Wanna have a race? I’m just saying my scrawny legs need to stretch” Klaus shook his left leg in front of him as if doing the hokey pokey<br/>
“Sure bro, I’m pretty sure everyone else has Vanya handled anyways. Don’t know why everyone is here” </p>
<p>They started walking away from the group towards a place where they could run more openly.<br/>
“Hey Klaus”<br/>
“Yes dee”<br/>
“I’m sorry that I called you selfish” he grumbled so quiet that Klaus barely heard it.<br/>
“Oh don’t worry about it, it’s not like I didn’t know” Klaus laughed at the fact his brother even thought he had to apologise for the truth. Like seriously Klaus knew he was selfish he knew he whined too much and that he was so self centred. There was no reason for Diego to apologise to Klaus for how Klaus is.<br/>
“What? No Klaus, you're not. I’m sorry for saying that I saw how much it took out of you to manifest Ben. I know it’s hard” the race was completely forgotten as the two of them slightly jogged together.<br/>
“No it’s fine dee dee I’m just complaining for no reason. I’m just self centred like that, you know Klaus things”<br/>
“No I don’t know”<br/>
“Ha ha go go we all know that I’m selfish you don’t have to try and flatter with little ol me”</p>
<p>Diego was now staring and slowing his jog to a stop. He looked at his brother, truly looked at his brother.<br/>
“You look like shit” Diego finally commented<br/>
“Aww you make a gal blush” Klaus kept jogging on the spot waiting for Diego impatiently.<br/>
“I’m not joking you look terrible, have you been getting sleep? Eating?” Klaus froze for half a second before assuming his place as a natural liar<br/>
“Yeah dee no need to be a mother hen. You saw me eat this morning, well earlier” Diego just nodded. He stood for another minute in presumable thought and then continued jogging wordlessly. Klaus followed.</p>
<p>They continued on a quiet jog for a while. Long enough for Klaus to be satisfied with the amount of calories he burnt, it was a rough estimation so he’d just have to buy a fitness watch or something, now that he had daddy's money to spend on whatever he could do with some cool weight loss crap. It was a bunch of bull shit that sometimes worked but he had the money to waste and waste he would. Fuck you Reginald.</p>
<p>He walked back to the rest of his siblings Five immediately grabbing his attention.<br/>
“Klaus we need Ben”<br/>
“As much as I’d love to let you see our whiny brother I can’t, got no juice left” Five looked him up and down<br/>
“Fine. But your gonna need to translate for him”<br/>
So Klaus stood there for an hour repeating his ghost brother until his words didn’t feel like his own. Just a vessel for spirits to live past their last words.</p>
<p>Klaus stumbled into his bedroom completely out of breath, his junkie body not used to exercise that wasn’t filled by insane amounts of adrenaline or drugs. Running from cops was a good way to burn the little things he ate. It was also really funny which wow laughing burns calories, he is so smart. </p>
<p>“Klaus” Ben said sternly like a parent lecturing their kid for writing on the walls with crayon. Klaus looked at his walls filled with writing, some of it was crayon that had been held by that palm of a crying 10 year old after the screaming man told him what he would do with his body. Klaus shuddered and looked to Ben<br/>
“Yes favourite brother?” </p>
<p>“You shouldn’t do this again.” Ben spoke blankly not elaborating or anything maybe that was for Klaus’ sake or maybe it was for Ben’s. Either way elaboration would lead to probable tears and or Ben’s favourite thing, the cold shoulder. Klaus rolled his eyes and put on a goofy grin about to annoy Ben into stopping caring. It’s only been a couple days why the hell does he care.</p>
<p>“Ben Ben Ben you don’t get it. Without cocaine how else am I gonna be skinny? Honestly your a bit dumb sometimes” Klaus giggled, his words didn’t make sense to him but that’s fine he didn’t need to understand.<br/>
“That’s not funny, it’s gonna be lunch time soon just go get something to eat, dumbass” Klaus laughed again and again and again. It’s so funny. Well it wasn’t funny at all. Actually if he was being honest it was scary it was all so terrifying. So Klaus did what he always does and started laughing harder and Ben did what he always does, looked at Klaus with a scared sad look. He was always so sad.</p>
<p>Klaus decided against lunch.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. My visions getting blurred but I can see my ribs And I feel fine</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Klaus eats a sandwich</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So sorry it’s been a bit long ive just been a bit sick. I’ve also had a bit of my own eating disorder problems lately so that’s fun.<br/>Anyways hope you like it and I’ll try and be more consistent in my schedule</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A couple days had past since Klaus’ jog with Diego, he’s kept up a small workout routine. He only kept it to activities like jogging or skipping or jumping jacks, because he didn’t want to get bulkier. He knew that with his diet and his body he probably wouldn’t get bulky but he still took the precaution. Klaus was aiming for skinny not muscles. Ribs not abs. </p><p>He’d been sitting on his bed staring at the wall for half an hour doing absolutely nothing. Ben had been watching him concerned trying to start a conversation but failing. Ana had been pacing before finally turning to look at Klaus.<br/>“Do you have a phone?” She asked <br/>“Uh no? But we have a shit ton of money as you can see” Klaus gestured to the walls of the mansion. Ben felt a pang of jealousy when Klaus responded to Ana not him, he pushed that aside and returned back to being concerned.<br/>“You should get one. There’s so many weight loss and calorie counting apps it makes it easier. Plus you can find some inspiration”<br/>“Inspiration?” Klaus asked curiously he stood up and walked to his wardrobe flicking through outfits.<br/>“Like thinspo, malespo for you I guess. Other people with better bodies, thinner people” Klaus thought about this for a second. His thought was then interrupted by Ben who’d decided against sitting in silence any longer.<br/>“Klaus, come on don’t listen to her. Please just, come on can we go downstairs? Get something to eat? Please” </p><p>Klaus looked to his brother a somber and guilty look to his face. He hated making Ben upset, he also hated his body. Klaus knew this was affecting Ben, he hasn’t been able to conjure Ben since dinner weeks ago, too weak. He knew it was hurting Ben having to watch the only person he could talk to slowly fade away in front of his eyes. His brother, fade away in front of his eyes, but not having the ability to do anything about it. He knew all of this but still didn’t change, he hates himself for it. But Ben just didn’t understand <br/>“Ben I-“<br/>“No, Klaus. I don’t want some stupid joke or you deflecting this. It doesn’t work, just stand up go downstairs please.” Ben was practically begging at this point. So Klaus stood up, Ana watched with a strong glare, an authoritative look from a 16 year old. 16 year old ghost yelling at him for eating. He looked to the other dead 16 year old. The one crying and begging him to go eat. Fuck he hates ghosts. </p><p>Klaus decided on listening to his brother, something he hasn’t done in a bit, he’s not really sure if he would eat. It’s been around 40 hours since his last meal which was half a burger he ate at dinner before excusing himself. So he would debate with himself until he reached the fridge.<br/>Ben walked in step with Klaus with a small smile on his lips, finally being able to convince his brother to do a basic necessity. <br/>“Ben it’s too quiet, where are our other siblings?”<br/>“I’m not sure Klaus” <br/>A bit further away they can hear voices, their siblings talking and laughing. So Klaus walked into that direction a quick pit stop before the kitchen.</p><p>All of his siblings are sitting together, chatting and laughing. Even Vanya is laughing and five has a smug smile on his face. They all look, happy.<br/>“Hey Klaus” Diego says when he sees Klaus standing in the doorway. Everybody turns their attention to the shaking man<br/>“Wow, having a party without poor old me?” Klaus asks with exaggerated offence, he fakes a pout to hide the real hurt on his face. Ben looks at him<br/>“Klaus they probably thought you were sleeping or something. You haven’t left your room all day” Klaus just nods at this. The rest of his siblings don’t respond maybe from guilt. Maybe because Klaus spoke so weakly that they could barely hear him.<br/>“Well we were gonna watch a movie” Allison spoke finally breaking the silence. <br/>“Wanna join us?” She asks. Ben and Klaus share a look, he could sit there with them and avoid eating but that would just make Ben upset. <br/>“Klaus tell them you’ll get something to eat and then join them okay?” <br/>“Do I really have to?” Klaus sighed. He wasn’t really hungry anyways, well that’s a lie he feels so hungry.<br/>“Have to?” Luther asked <br/>“He’s obviously talking to Ben, dumbass” Five responds. Everybody’s head turns to Klaus at the mention of Ben.<br/>“Yes you have to, tell them that word for word”<br/>“Ugh fine Casper” he looks to them <br/>“Ben says ‘I’ll get something to eat then join you’ happy now?” Ben nods. Five looks Klaus up and down, finally someone noticing the shaking, the collarbones popping out, the sunken tired eyes. Five let’s a worried look take his face for half a second before fixing it back to his blank look. <br/>“You do that” He says. <br/>“Toodles!” Klaus says before blowing a kiss to the group and walking to the kitchen. </p><p>Klaus sits on the table staring at the open fridge. He’s Criss crossed his legs and leans on his hands taking up most of the table. <br/>“Ben, I um. I don’t know about this” his stomach growls at the thought of food and suddenly it pangs. A small sharp pain, his bodies way of telling him to fucking eat. He wishes it was that simple. <br/>“Please Klaus it’s just one thing, just one thing for me?”<br/>“For you?” Klaus asked his voice was shaky and it was a miracle he didn’t stutter. <br/>“Yes.” Ben responds. So Klaus stands up with a purpose he’s never had before and immediately falls down. His body crashing to floor as he faints. </p><p>“Klaus!” Ben yells “no you, you can’t” he crouches down next to his brother. Five and Vanya walk in to the room obviously wondering what’s taking him so long. <br/>“Hey, K- oh my god Klaus!” Vanya shouts, Five suddenly appears next to Klaus and grabs his arm checking his pulse. <br/>“He’s alive, he’s alive” five repeats more to himself than Vanya. Klaus begins to regain consciousness underneath fives grip and pulls his arm away.<br/>“Why am I on the floor?” He asks he goes to stand up but five stops him<br/>“You fainted, stay still for a minute. What were you doing?” He asks. Klaus shuffles so he sits agaisnt the fridge and holds his knees. <br/>“I think I just stood up too fast in fine, you know I’m probably iron deficient the last time I had spinach was with this guy named Thomas. He had a weird thing about spinach every single meal, once I saw him out spinach in his cereal” Klaus rambled trying to take the notice off of his fainting. </p><p>“Klaus tell them” Ben said which was interrupted by <br/>“Klaus don’t tell them” from Ana. The two looked at eachother and Ben was on the verge of beating up a dead 16 year old. <br/>“Now ladies, no need to fight” Klaus tutts shaking his finger. A grin slides on his face to set the mood of ‘please forget about me just fainting’ Vanya and Five look slightly confused before Five shakes his head.<br/>“You need to eat something, when was the last time you ate?” The smile immediately drops from his face, he catches himself and makes the frown look like a thinking face.<br/>“Say yesterday” Ana told him <br/>“Yesterday” Klaus repeated back, Five looked skeptical<br/>“Say that you had the cookies your mother made, she mad a second batch” Klaus was asleep during that time so he didn’t even get tempted to eat them <br/>“The cookies mom made, she made another batch after I told her I missed out on the first one cause I was sleeping” Ana nodded. Ben frowned. Klaus smiled. <br/>“Fine but we’re making something right now” he teleported, making Klaus flinch from the light. He started making sandwiches with Vanya and Klaus sat on the floor waiting. Ben sat next to him and Klaus used all of his energy to hold his brother’s hand. They sat like that for a minute before Five and Vanya joined the two on the floor both noticing the blue glow in Klaus’ hand. A plate was placed in his other hand <br/>“Thanks” he said not really feeling thankful.</p><p>Mindless chatter toke over the four Klaus translating for Ben while he ate. He brought the food up to his mouth in slow motions and chewed each bite thirty times. But he still ate the whole sandwich. Ben grinned full of pride when he saw Klaus finish it. Klaus found it in himself to smile back.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. The repetitive nature of everything</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Klaus purges for the first time. Oh no</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW for purging/vomiting and suicidal thoughts<br/>It has description of vomiting and how to self induce it, I kinda wanna say before hand not to replicate the things I write. </p><p>This is all a vent for me and I know that I’ve done it before so like if your reading this thinking like “oh that’s how you purge maybe I should” or something like that just don’t. It’s cause so many health problems for me both mental and physical please stay safe.</p><p>Anyways time to torture Klaus cause he’s my bestie and I love him</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It had been a couple days since the fainting incident and Klaus has been a bit smarter trying to avoid having to faint again he was scared he might die. No that’s not right, he wasn’t scared he would die. He wanted to die. Wait, he wanted to die?Since when? Now that Klaus thinks about it he’s always wanted to die, ever since he’d been locked in the mausoleum with ghosts who lost their sense of decency towards the 11 year old boy. Who would scream at him and tell him how much he belonged with them, belonged in the hands of death. They’d fling their broken bodies at him and then he would vomit the dinner he had eaten hours before being locked in the mausoleum. Vomiting had felt like a sense of relief, he was completely focused on the food that had left his stomach and his blurry vision to remember why he’d just vomited. </p><p>But now it’s different Klaus isn’t trapped in the mausoleum but he still wants to throw up and scream and cry. He still feels trapped even if he isn’t there. He still belongs to death and now he feels nauseous. He still needs that relief. Klaus had just eaten a small portion of dinner and felt more nauseous then when he saw the child with burns and bruises littered across her skin, who sang his name through a swollen throat. Or the man who had been beaten to death, his eye popping out of its socket. </p><p>It had been a couple days since the fainting incident and Klaus has been a bit smarter trying to avoid having to faint again he was scared he might die. Now that’s not right, he wasn’t scared he would die. He wanted to die. Wait, he wanted to die? Since when? Now that Klaus thinks about it he’s always wanted to die, ever since he’d been locked in the mausoleum with ghosts who lost their sense of decency towards the 11-year-old boy. Who would scream at him and tell him how much he belonged with them, belonged in the hands of death. They’d fling their broken bodies at him, and then he would vomit the dinner he had eaten hours before being locked in the mausoleum. Vomiting had felt like a sense of relief, he was completely focused on the food that had left his stomach and his blurry vision to remember why he’d just vomited. </p><p>But now it’s different Klaus isn’t trapped in the mausoleum, but he still wants to throw up and scream and cry. He still feels trapped even if he isn’t there. He still belongs to death and now he feels nauseous. He still needs that relief. Klaus had just eaten a small portion of dinner and felt more nauseous then when he saw the child with burns and bruises littered across her skin, who sang his name through a swollen throat. Or the man who had been beaten to death, his eye popping out of its socket. </p><p> Klaus leaves the table and walks to the bathroom upstairs without explanation. Ben follows as Klaus shuts the door and turns on the bath tap<br/>“Do you want me to leave?” Ben asks assuming Klaus was just gonna have a bath. He assumed wrong<br/>“Yes please a girl needs her privacy” Klaus blew a kiss towards his brother who left promptly. <br/>He leaves the bath tap running filling the tub but turns away to the toilet. </p><p>He shoves three fingers into his throat and pushes up and down, his teeth scraping against his knuckles. Tears well in his eyes and snot builds in his nose as pulls his fingers away and vomits the contents of his stomach into the toilet. The sound of the bath water drowns out the disguising splash as Klaus puts his fingers back into his mouth not satisfied and continues till his stomach hurts and his knuckles burn. He stands where he is and flushes the toilet hoping the sound of his vomit didn’t go over the noise of the water landing on water. </p><p>Klaus finally undresses and sits in the bath turning off the tap. He feels dizzy and tired. He wants to put his head under the water and sleep. He wants to put his head under the water and not wake up. Tears finally leave his eyes, and he lets out a loud disguising sob. Ben walks in after hearing his brother's sobs, turned away from Klaus slightly and sits next to the tub. There was no noise from the loud bath tap to hide his disguising cries. <br/>“I’m sorry, I’m sorry” Klaus says between heart wrenching sobs<br/>“It’s okay, you're fine.” Ben tries to soothe keeping his distance from his naked brother but still wanting to comfort him.</p><p> Klaus cries himself out after ten minutes and Ben just sits and waits occasionally continuing his attempts at soothing his brother.<br/>“What happened?” Ben asked when Klaus had finally calmed down. <br/>“I-I um. I- uh don’t be mad?”<br/>“I’ll try not to be, it’s fine Klaus just tell me” Klaus looked down and kicked his feet in the water splashing the soapy bubbles everywhere.<br/>“Uh no never mind it’s fine” <br/>“Come on Klaus, tell me ass hat it could make you feel better if you actually talked about your emotions?” Klaus nodded at that before looking around the room.<br/>“Where’s Ana?” He asked<br/>“What? I don’t know but I hope she stays away”<br/>“Benny boo! That’s mean, she’s like 12. I’m telling on you”<br/>“She’s 16 and I think she’s been dead for a while. She might even be an adult. Also who are you telling on me to? My side would be taken immediately, she’s a bitch”<br/>Klaus gasped at this as if he’d insulted Klaus himself <br/>“Benjamin six Hargreeves, that is no way to talk about a lady! I’m telling mom she’ll be very mad. Honestly I didn’t think you’d be a” he looks around as if it’s a secret “sexist!”. Ben rolls his eyes and sighs in defeat but doesn’t hide the smirk at his brother's theatrics. He doesn’t see Klaus acting like himself a lot lately so the few times he does feels like a small win. </p><p>Klaus joins his brother in sighing and finally gets out of the bath pulling the plug and wrapping himself in a towel. As he does he look in the mirror and sees the outlines of his ribs. It’s not how it was when he was on the streets but it’s still an improvement. He strokes his collarbones and stares at himself in the mirror his ghost sibling watches in pity. The towel barely clings onto his fragile body and it makes Klaus want to scream and cry and laugh. It fills him with happiness that leaves him terrified and shaking, well he was already shaking. He turns to his side and admires his sunken cheeks. </p><p>He walks straight to bed that night too tired for anything else, too tired to even attempt to summon Dave. Too tired to workout like Ana makes him do. Too tired to pretend to Ben and his siblings that he’s fine. He just wanted to sleep, he’s so tired.</p><p>That morning when he woke up he saw an empty room and blurry vision. He started to panic for some reason the lack of Ben made him assume he’d decided to leave class, the weird amount of anxiety filled his body. He hadn’t felt this anxious since he was a teenager. <br/>“Ben!” He yells, seeing no response he starts to shake his body moving quickly. He jumps out of bed and bursts through the door and sees Ben walking through the hallways <br/>“Your up early” Ben greets then he sees the wreck that Klaus is and frowns. Klaus let’s put a sigh of relief<br/>“Hey Benny boo. What’s been happening in your ghostly world this morning” <br/>“Nothing, Mom made a fruit plate. It would be nice if you had some”<br/>“Ugh why’d you have to ruin my day so early in the morning”<br/>“It’s 11am and how is me suggesting eating ruining your day?” <br/>“It’s a hot person thing” Klaus says putting his goodbye palm up towards Ben in a stop signal shushing his brothers complaints <br/>“I’m hot too” Ben mutters half jokingly. Klaus nods <br/>“Of course your sexy Ben!” Five who’d been listening to the one sided conversation jumped away and into the kitchen to talk to his sister already done with his brothers for the day. </p><p>Klaus instead decided to go into the courtyard to smoke, he only smoked in his bedroom or the courtyard lately. Sometimes in the attic as well. He didn’t feel comfortable making his siblings inhale the same smoke he does, maybe it’s for his siblings health or maybe smoking is a coping mechanism. One that he doesn’t want his siblings to ruin for him, without drugs he was left to only nicotine. <br/>“Klaus” Ben says who's standing by his side, Klaus startled for a second confused on when he got there. </p><p>In the kitchen is Allison, Vanya and Five who are eating from the fruit platter and talking. Klaus has never been this afraid to be with his family. Wait, has he? He doesn’t remember much lately. He did a bee line for the fruit not wanting to have to talk, he hasn’t felt like talking lately only really to Ben or Ana. He grabs a piece of pineapple with a shaking hand a watering mouth, well watering mouth for someone who’s extremely dehydrated. </p><p>“Hey” Allison says Klaus pauses about to take a bite. He pulls it away from his mouth <br/>“Sister dear! Didn’t really wanna intrude on the odd numbers club, 3 5 and 7!” He pointed to each sibling as he said their numbers. Looking at Ben and seeing his brother's angry look he puts the pineapple back into his mouth and takes a bite. <br/>“You can’t try and distract me”<br/>“What do you mean brother dear?”<br/>“You're talking to them so you don’t have to eat”<br/>“Is Ben here?” Vanya asks, Klaus turns to her and takes a second bite from the pineapple slice.<br/>“Yeah he’s currently whining” Ben rolls his eyes Klaus puts up his finger with a muttered death threat to the ghost. <br/>“Hey Ben” Vanya says to the space next to Klaus, which is nowhere near where Ben is, but they both appreciate the effort and the fact she hasn’t asked him to summon him.</p><p> Klaus finished the piece of pineapple and looks at Ben as if to say ‘there are you happy now’ <br/>“Another piece” Klaus would say no but his stomach growls and his hand reaches to the plate without a second thought. He grabs a couple slices of apple and chews down, usually he would be full by now but his body is screaming at him to keep going. His mind screams at him to stop. Klaus reaches for the crackers that are next to the platter and sits next to his family. After Klaus ignores them they continue their own conversation and Klaus starts to eat the crackers one by one, Allison and five look at him shoveling the crackers into his mouth messily. Nearly all the packet of crackers are gone<br/>“Don’t you think that’s enough? That’s a lot of food, Klaus” Allison says, Five says nothing but still stares. Klaus stops immediately and looks down at the food in his hands, his trembling shaking hands.<br/>“Yeah your right” he says, voice shaking. Vanya notices the small shake in his voice and looks up at him but this pity is seen to Klaus as Judgement. He wants to scream, he needs the relief he found in vomiting, in purging his body of all that food. </p><p>The seance exists the room and walks back up to his room, he starts screaming. He’s glad this his room is far from the kitchen, he doubts they would hear him. Would they even care if they did hear? He screams louder. <br/>“Klaus please” Ben tries <br/>“No no” Klaus shakes his head in rhythm with the chorus of no’s. Ben tries to walk closer to his brother but is pushed away by glowing blue hands. <br/>“Where’s Ana? Where the fuck is she” He yells his hands glow brighter and the ghost stands in front of him appearing out of nowhere.<br/>“What?” She asks confused <br/>“FUCKING HELP ME” he shouts at her an anger and irritation overtaking the normally calm man. She remains her normal calm composure not even flinching at his venomous words<br/>“What did you eat?” She asked presuming his freak out <br/>“I don’t know! Like a couple slices of pineapple maybe a full apple and half a packet of crackers” His shouts turn into an exhausted sigh. He’s been so tired lately, so exhausted. Ana nodded her head in thought <br/>“Get it out of you”<br/>“What?” Klaus asked <br/>“Vomit, purge whatever you call it” <br/>“Klaus no don’t listen to her. Come on, just have a bath and I don’t know get a glass of water! Grab your music don’t listen to her” Ben pleaded desperately.</p><p> Klaus walked straight to the bathroom without a thought shoved three fingers down his throat for the second time and moved them up and down. Up and down. Up and down. His knuckles hurt and he scratched his throat by accident. Up and down till the mush of  crackers and fruit filled up the bowl. An acid taste made its home in his mouth, fizzing at the back of his teeth and burning his throat. He continued to all that came out was bile and his tears. Snot dripped from his nose and into the bowl, his knuckles were bleeding, and he couldn’t hold back tears. Neither could Ben. He sat and watched the whole time ghostly tears rushing down his face but never landing on the floor. He moved to sit next to his crying brother and leaned his blue glowing head on his shoulder.<br/>“Be- Ben. Ben I’m I’m  sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry” he said between tears his tongue feeling heavy in his mouth. Ben stayed silent, his cold hands rubbing Klaus’ back.<br/>Ana watched from the door not allowing herself to feel regret, she left them. </p><p>Klaus turns the bath on and leaves the room with it running. He takes his earphones and goes back to the bath and sits there, dreaming of death. Feeling more worthless than he’d ever felt, an overwhelming dizzy. He felt like falling asleep in the bath. He wants to put his head under the water and sleep. He wants to put his head under the water and not wake up. <br/>Okay.<br/>Maybe he will.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Your barely Alive</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Klaus eats a donut. Isn’t that scary?</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Should I do something healthier than projecting my problems on to Klaus?<br/>Yes<br/>Am I going to?<br/>No. </p><p>Oh wait also on another note my You look like death comic came. I’m even more in love with Klaus I love him!!!!! Anyways sorry hope you enjoy lmao</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He can’t really tolerate another day like this, sober. He wants to be drunk again, he wants to be high. He wants to forget all of this and block out every single ghost and person alike. He’s so tired.<br/>
It’s only been around two months? Maybe three honestly it could be more. It’s kinda hard to keep track of time. Some days he’ll be asleep for most of the day others he won’t get any.He had fallen hard into old habits and old habits turned into a lifestyle. Is it really living though? </p><p>He decides he doesn’t want to leave his bed today, not even feeling like the exercise routine Ana has been making him do. He’s so tired and dizzy, like a hangover times five. Klaus sighs and runs a hand through his hair when he pulls it back he sees a strand of hair in his hand. His curls are becoming thinner lately, he must be getting old or something. Yeah that’s right he’s in his 30’s now, he’s just old. There’s a knock on his door that jolts him out of his thoughts, Diego opens it.</p><p>“Hey bro, we were all gonna go to griddys. Old times sake” Diego announces, Klaus panics<br/>
“I thought the donut lady closed it down?”<br/>
“Yeah she did, it's been reopened by her niece. Five found out the other day we all thought it would be a nice family day”<br/>
“Uh well you see-“<br/>
“You don’t have a choice, everybody's in the car. Don’t make us wait all day” Diego then left the Seance’s room. Klaus sat up in his bed and rubbed his eyes<br/>
“Well fuck” He said gaining an upset look from Ben<br/>
“Come on it's gonna be fine. You promised you would eat something everyday so you don’t faint again. Plus you love donuts” </p><p>Klaus sighed and made a beeline for his closet: a large black winter jacket and a galaxy crop top, accompanied with black skinny jeans. At least he’ll be the hottest person at griddys, the fattest but hottest. He shivers in his jacket and realizes the crop top may leave him a bit cold but you have to suffer for fashion. Klaus has done a lot of suffering lately. It will be worth it, one day. It will.</p><p>He takes the steps with care, his body trembling so much with each step and the fear he’ll break his jaw again keeping him slow and steady. Klaus opens the door for Ben with a muttered “ladies first” and jumps into Diego’s car. Five is in the passenger seat already and Diego has a smug look, like he’d won the ‘who gets to drive’ argument.<br/>
“Your welcome” Klaus says as he gets into the backseat with Ben.<br/>
“For?”<br/>
“My presence” A scoff and a light chuckle is his response as the car starts up. Luther, Allison, and Vanya in the other car also start to drive. </p><p>The ride was uneventful, Klaus feeling too anxious to start or join in on any brother banter. Shaking his leg the whole ride after hearing that burns calories. Yeah that’s the only reason. He’s not scared of donuts at all. No it’s just donuts. As everyone gets out Klaus waits an extra second taking a couple of deep breaths, fuck it’s just food. It’s just food. Fuck.<br/>
“Come on Klaus!” Diego yells<br/>
“It’s gonna Be fine” Ben assures him, as Klaus joins the rest of his family. He can’t help feeling that Ben is lying.</p><p>They all take a seat in a booth, a space between Diego at the window end of the booth and Klaus is where Ben sits. All of them besides their ghost brother take a menu. The items are different from their childhood but that’s to be expected. Though it’s donuts there’s not much difference in the menu. In his childhood he would’ve had the most sugary chocolate filled donut possible. Back before the umbrella academy went into the public eye. The cruel eye full of body shaming. He shakes his head and clears his thoughts. Maybe finding the calories could help him feel easier about all this? He searches the menu for the nutritional information, calories next to prices, anything. His search comes up empty. He starts to panic. He really shouldn’t have left his bed this morning. </p><p>A young looking waitress in a pink outfit like the previous donut lady’s comes to their tables.<br/>
“What can I get y’all?” She asks with a southern accent.<br/>
“I’d like the choc peanut butter and a black coffee” Five says taking the lead and going first<br/>
“The same for me thanks” Vanya says quietly but still with more confidence than she’s ever had going to griddys. Having only been invited a few times.<br/>
“The bear claw please” Luther<br/>
“Can I have the Pink sprinkled please” Allison<br/>
“The chocolate eclair” Diego.<br/>
All eyes look at Klaus.<br/>
Fuck.<br/>
“Uh. Do you have the nutritional information?” Klaus thinks he sounds a bit like Vanya their first time coming here. Nervous, Shy and antisocial. Klaus has never been those three things. He’s always been carefree, outspoken and extroverted. He gets a few weird glances from his siblings, a knowing yet pitying look from Five.<br/>
“No we don’t sorry sir” the southern woman says. Klaus wants to scream, to throw the paper menu at the woman creating a million paper cuts. Is that the worst his mind can come up with? Paper cuts? He’s never been good at being angry.<br/>
“That’s okay can I just have the-“ he looks at the menu<br/>
“Get the Glazed” Ana who he hadn’t noticed till now tells him. Wait what? When did she get there? He could think about that later.<br/>
“I’ll just get the glazed thank you”  the waitress nods and walks away. </p><p>“What was that Klaus?” Five asks<br/>
“What was what, Fivey?” Klaus dumbly asks, hiding his panic. He knows he knows. He fucking knows!<br/>
‘No he doesn’t. He’s clueless. Play it cool.’ The voice in his head sounds like a mix of Ana’s and his own. That’s scary. That’s fucking terrifying.<br/>
“Don’t play dumb, Klaus. Why’d you want to know the nutritional information”<br/>
“Just trying to be healthy, little bro!” He shows off his arm to flex his muscle, there’s no muscle to flex. Just skin tightly clinging to bone. He giggles at the sight.<br/>
“Klaus that” he points at his twiggy arm”-is not healthy. Have you been eating?”<br/>
“Of course I ha-“<br/>
“When?” Interrupts Diego with a strong voice and a worried look on his face. Klaus starts panicking, his hands feel sweaty. Fuck fuck fuck. A mantra of swears repeat in his head.<br/>
“I-“ The waitress returns with a plate of donuts and Fives Coffee.<br/>
“Here you go darlings. Tell me if there’s anything else I can get ya” Everybody awkwardly takes their donuts, Klaus takes his with shaky hands.</p><p>“Klaus” Ben says<br/>
“Oh we never got Ben a donut! I’m so sorry Bennifer”<br/>
“Klaus” Ben tries again<br/>
“Well what donut did you even like? The custard one? I don’t remember”<br/>
“Klaus! I swear to god.” Ben yells making Klaus slightly flinch back. His siblings are chatting away eating their donuts, aside from Five who is still staring at Klaus.<br/>
“Don’t swear to her, Ben she’s only a wee thing”<br/>
“Klaus, they are trying to help you. Please talk to them, tell them! If you can’t then make me corporeal, I’ll do it.” Ana glares at Ben, he glares back. </p><p>“No” he firmly says Ana nods her head in agreeance<br/>
“If you're gonna fuss you can watch me eat.” Klaus with shaky hands brings the donut to his mouth, the sugary taste gives him life. The taste is orgasmic and amazing nothing like the dumpster donuts he had on the streets. Nothing like the health crazed deserts their mother makes. Just pure unhealthy sugary goodness.<br/>
He hates it.<br/>
“See eating!” He points at the donut and stares at Ben before turning his gaze at Five and taking another bite.<br/>
“See!” He nearly yells. </p><p>Klaus takes another bite. And another. And another. It’s terrible he hates it, it tastes so good that he wants to throw it into a forest fire. Let the sugar and calories burn. He takes another bite and sees he’s nearly done. The thought of eating that much makes him feel sick. It’s not even that much it’s a fucking donut! It’s a fucking donut.<br/>
“See” Klaus repeats to himself taking the last bite of the donut. He sounds defeated. He feels like he’s gonna cry. Over a donut. He’s gonna cry over a donut. Pathetic.</p><p> He looks up at his siblings who are all talking and aren’t even finished with their food. But he is. He feels so gross. He used to be the talkative sibling, the one who’d start the conversations, who’d make his siblings laugh. Who’d challenge Five in debates and work Vanya into conversations when she’d shy away. Who would gossip with Allison and make her giggle. Who’d listen when Luther talked about the moon and listen to Ben explain the book he was reading. Now he’s crying over a donut. Oh he’s crying?</p><p>“Klaus?” Vanya asks, noticing the tears dropping onto the empty plate below Klaus. Everybody turns and looks at him. Eyes burn his skin like the ghosts who’d follow him home after missions. Too shocked to start screaming yet, they’d only stare. When did his siblings look like ghosts. When did he look like a ghost?<br/>
“Hey buddy are you okay?” Diego asks in a soft tone it was always Two and Four against the world. Then Four became the type of person Two would throw into prison.<br/>
“Uh- y-yeah I’m okay” He rubbed at his eyes, cursing his tears. He pressed his hands into his eyes hoping the slight pain would stop the tears. It also allowed his hands to hide his weakness.<br/>
They all stared.<br/>
“Run” Ana says<br/>
“What?” Ben and Klaus say in unison<br/>
“Run.” She repeats. Klaus looks at his siblings, their eyes full of pity, they care for him. But who would care for him? He doesn’t blame them for hating his fat ass. They don’t care for him, they care for Ben. Yeah they only want him for Ben. He looks up at the ghosts surrounding his siblings.</p><p> He looks around like a wounded animal, and like a wounded animal he runs.<br/>
He keeps running.<br/>
Nobody runs after him. He isn’t surprised.<br/>
He keeps running.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. My best friend Ana</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Klaus and Ana have a chat. Ben hits a bitch. Klaus hits a dumpster.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I’m sorry this one took me a bit my own disorder has been acting up lately ://<br/>Also I’ve edited chapter one and added a couple things I might edit chapter two as well there’s a lot of spelling mistakes. Anyways if you want you could check out the changes in One.<br/>Anyways enjoy besties</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“What the fuck!” Ben yells at Ana. The two ghosts follow behind Klaus who is slowing his running pace as he gets further and further away. Klaus turns into an alley next to a pizza shop, sits against a foul smelling dumpster. He sits collecting his breath with sweat soaking his dehydrated skeleton.<br/>
“What the fuck!” Ben shouts again<br/>
“He needed to leave.” She says simply, so sure of herself. So sure she knew Klaus’ family better than him or Ben. Ben is going to punch a dead girl.<br/>
“No ben I’m glad I left. I don’t know, maybe I’ll go back home when it’s died down? I’ve got some money in my pockets for a bus or something.” He swallows his saliva harshly before continuing “I don’t think I can run back I-I fuck.” His voice comes out between deep breaths, completely exhausted from a run he could’ve done easily just months ago.<br/>
“Klaus you can’t just sit here. You need to go back and get some help! I can’t help you, y-you you won’t listen to me! I can’t let you die I fucking can’t watch you kill yourself.” </p><p>‘For a corpse Ben really has a lot of emotions’ Klaus thinks and starts laughing to himself.<br/>
“What?” Ben asks which makes Klaus laugh more giggling leaning against a sticky dumpster.<br/>
“What’s funny?” He asks again with the same response. Ben can’t help joining in. Ana rolls her eyes like she’s above them. It reminds Klaus of Five. His laughing comes to an end and he looks up at Ben.<br/>
“What are we gonna do Benny?”<br/>
“We? This is your problem” Ben sits next to Klaus this is said in a joking tone. Klaus knows it is. He does.<br/>
“Wow! Where is the love for your brother?” Klaus mocks hurt. Yeah he mocks it. It’s such a small joke he’s not hurt by it. He should just stop being so sensitive. Ben just smiles softly.</p><p>“Can we go home now?” Klaus thinks about that for a minute. He looks to Ana and she knows more about it than him. She’s so smart. She can help.<br/>
“You can’t have them stopping you. You’ve come so far, that’s what ‘families’ do they send you to hospital because they don’t want to fix you” She spat her words<br/>
“Well-“ Klaus tried to defend his siblings<br/>
“No.” She says simply.<br/>
“You can’t go back okay. You're just gonna have to stay out for a while. They’ll send you to hospitals, force feed you. They’ll make you eat, you don’t want that right?”<br/>
Klaus shakes his head violently, no he doesn’t want that. Ben nods his head, he wants Klaus to eat. </p><p>Ben is mad, he’s fuming. Ben stands up, walks over to Ana and punches her straight on her skeletal nose.<br/>
“Ben!” Klaus shouts with a slight glee to his yells. He starts to laugh, so does Ben. Ana who had fallen to the ground went to stand up trying to be intimidating even with Ben and Ana’s probably 5 inch height difference.<br/>
“You ass!” Ana yells, the brothers laugh harder. She huffs and walks down the alley, up and down. Up and down again. Up and down the alley. Klaus watches<br/>
“Fuck, Benny I had no plan. I just started running. Oh my god, what are we gonna do?” Klaus can feel the anxiety blooming in his chest, pushing against his rib cage filling his lungs.<br/>
“Just go home, if you want I can go look for them without you? See if they are looking for you?” Klaus scoffed at the idea they were looking for him a glare from Ben made him roll his eyes and mutter “sorry”</p><p>“Talk to them Klaus, they are your siblings they can help you. Five went through the apocalypse and back to save your scrawny ass. I doubt he’d reject you for this” Ben sits back next to his brother<br/>
“You don’t know that” Ana interrupts<br/>
“Oh and yo-“ Ben tries going defensive<br/>
“Shut up fat ass. Both of you really are gigantic, runs in the family I guess? I mean who runs in this fucking family.” She sends her look straight at Klaus he goes to look away but she growls like an angry dog, he looks back obediently.<br/>
“Why are you so sudden in believing him huh? So easy to forget the truth and to go back? To become that huge ugly beast? Huh! Answer me pig!” She yells and fuck she really is like the other ghosts. But she wasn’t wrong, but that doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt to hear. The truth hurts, the truth feels like a pain in your heart and a pang in your stomach. Or maybe he’s just hungry? </p><p>Ben stares wordlessly at her, he’s angry he’s so fucking angry. Klaus stares at her too; she stares right back, her sunken eyes resemble his own. He’s so tired<br/>
“I’m done with the staring contest. Look I’m sorry” Klaus says breaking the silence both the ghosts smirk in triumph his apology being vague enough they don’t know who it’s for.<br/>
“Hey Ben, could you see if they are still in griddys or something?” Ben nods and walks off not before giving Ana a death stare, something hard to give to someone who’s already dead. Now it’s just him and Ana no Ben to interfere, just him and his goal.<br/>
“I’m sorry I won’t let him stop me. I know I need to do this” Klaus mutters<br/>
“Good” she says simply<br/>
“When we first met you said you looked up to me?” He asked, rubbing his collarbones, trailing his hand up and down the bone.<br/>
“I grew up watching the umbrella academy. My Mum, my brothers and I would collect the comics. It was before I came out as trans when mum still talked to me. But well I looked up to you in particular, always so happy and.. skinny. You didn’t care about what the magazines said you were openly you.”she took in a breath more insecure than Klaus had ever seen her be.<br/>
“My oldest brother was anorexic um I’m pretty sure we both got it from our mum. He well he died... choking on his own vomit. My other brother nearly killed himself afterwards, my mum actually did. I ended up dying slowly and painfully. Starving to death isn’t really as good as it seems” </p><p>Klaus awkwardly looked at her for a minute, Ana stared down at her feet wrapping her arms around her chest protectively. Her boney arm constricting around the rib cage some would call a chest.<br/>
“I’m sorry. Di- did you find your brother?” She shook her head frowning. Then looked back up at him<br/>
“But you won’t be that stupid right? Not like me. You’ll live enough to be able to show off. You won’t die fat like my mother or me? You wouldn’t do that to yourself, right? You won’t do that to me” She asked, her voice losing that insecurity and regaining the venom. He shook his head wordlessly<br/>
“Say it.” She demanded<br/>
“I won’t I won’t” He continued to shake his head rapidly feeling dizzy and lightheaded as he did. </p><p>“I don’t like lying to them” Klaus admitted<br/>
“Then don’t lie. What’s there to lie about? It’s all so obvious” she gestured to him as if highlighting his “fat”. He insecurely wrapped his arms around his stomach.<br/>
“I don’t want them to know. I didn’t want them to know, now they’re gonna ruin everything. They’re gonna fucking ruin everything! I fucking work so hard! It’s been months I’ve been dedicated and determined for months! They are gonna ruin it all FUCK!”<br/>
He stands up and pushes past the dizziness to kick the dumpster. Still rage filled he punches and screams and slams his forehead into the lid of the dumpster a pain shooting through his head. He stops staring at his hands<br/>
“Why am I so angry. I’ve never been an angry person I-“ he looks at Ana who has an empathetic look. Knowing that same feeling, those emotions that never made sense. Nothing made sense. He sits back down against the dumpster pulling his knees up.</p><p>“I’ve been working so hard. So fucking hard” he sighs<br/>
“I know” she comforts sitting next to him. Ben walks back into the alley taking in the sight of Klaus and Ana. Klaus who was taking in deep breaths and Ana who was soothing him. He sat on the other side of Klaus.<br/>
“They are looking for you right now. Well Diego heard you scream so they're coming over here now. Just talk to them please” Klaus just nods, sighing in defeat. Several voices are heard approaching him. He wipes the year stains from his face and tries to steady his breathing. </p><p>“Klaus!” Diego yells running up to him and Five jumps four feet away from number four, who is currently going through breathing exercises with an anorexic ghost.<br/>
“Can we… can we just go home?” Klaus asks in a small voice none of his siblings had seen in the outgoing sibling before.<br/>
“Yeah buddy. The cars not far from here”<br/>
“I’ll bring the car over” Five interrupts jumping away before anyone else can say anything.<br/>
“We are gonna need to talk about this. When you're ready though, okay?” Diego says, which is great because Klaus will never be ready. He just nods.<br/>
“Dee, I’m tired” he mutters. He really is, lately he’s always tired. Plus that outburst of rage only minutes prior had really exhausted him. </p><p>His other siblings watch in pity, Klaus hates this. He hates their pity and he doesn’t want their ‘help’ ;the only one who can help is Ana and she can’t help him with his siblings intervening. He’s doing this not just for himself but also for them, for Ben, for Dave. He has to do this. He grips onto Dave’s dog tags seeing Ana staring at him then at the metal.<br/>
“I miss you” he mutters to the tags<br/>
“Who was he?” Ana asks after trying to read the tags.<br/>
“Dave? Was he your boyfriend?” Klaus looks at her and nods<br/>
“Yeah he was. Is. I don’t know. I can’t find his ghost i can’t find him” Klaus explains rubbing his thumb over the Dave then over Katz that’s written on the dog tag. Trying to soothe himself<br/>
“Sometimes when I’m not with you I visit my girlfriend or my brother. Maybe he’s just visiting his family? When did he die?” She tried<br/>
“1968” he responded shortly. Ana looked a bit confused wondering if she’d heard him wrong. </p><p>He could see Luther staring at him talking to nothing then Allison whispering “Ben”. He shook his head and looked at his brother who Klaus had been ignoring slightly. Ben stared back unsure what to do or say.<br/>
“Remember that time with Kelly when I threw up on her cat?” He asked Ben who snorted in response<br/>
“Yeah then the cat scratched your eye and you called it even with her” Klaus huffed a laugh remembering it. He could hear the car pull up and Diego came back over to where he and the ghosts were sitting.<br/>
“Come on bro Fives got the car the rest are gonna go in Allison’s car” he held out his hand and Klaus took it scared he would fall if he tried standing himself. </p><p>They all got into their own cars, Klaus sitting in the back resting his head against the window eyes fluttering close. He really wishes he’d stayed home.<br/>
“Klaus you okay back there?” Diego asks, prompting Five to look from the passenger seat at his brother.<br/>
“Yeah just might have a little nap mmm tired” he said sleepily, his eyes dropping closed. Ben’s hand rubbed his back falling through once Klaus fell asleep. His body shaking in sleep nightmares of becoming a ghost, starving to death. Leaving his family behind, leaving Dave behind. He will be smart about this all, if Ana helps then he can do it right. He’s determined he can.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. It’s no big surprise you turned out this way</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>He author is re reading perks of being a wallflower so Ben reads it to Klaus. The author is listening to the front bottoms while he writes so Klaus and Ben are also listening to them.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I’m re reading the perks of being a wallflower again while I write this and it’s my favourite book ever so when I’m reading it again it made me want to write like a lot.</p><p> Around the part where I put a quote from the book my writing style changes a bit then I had a couple lines from the front bottoms. </p><p>So like I’m sorry if that ended up being bad or like hard to read. Anyways gonna go stare at a wall bye</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Klaus wakes up as the car comes to a halt stopping at the academy. His neck hurts from the angle he has it leaning against the car door. He cracks an eye open now seeing Five and Diego talking in the front.<br/>
“Wake up sleeping beauty” Ben says moving his head to be in Klaus’ field of sleepy vision.<br/>
“Five more minutes” Klaus tiredly mutters, opening both of his eyes and stretching.<br/>
“How long was I asleep?” He asks looking at Ben<br/>
“Forty minutes, there was traffic.” Five from the passenger seat responds now both Diego and Five are looking at him. Klaus painfully remembered what had happened just an hour ago, he had no idea how he was supposed to feel about the whole thing.<br/>
“That’s a lot of traffic” he responds casually<br/>
“Car accident”<br/>
“Oh” that explains a corpse standing in the backseat with him, crowding Ben and Ana. </p><p>Klaus looks at Ben feeling a tinge of awkwardness, Ben just shakes his head and after Klaus’ persistent stare he responds.<br/>
“Don’t look at me. Just get out the car or something”<br/>
“So are we getting out of this car anytime soon or?” Klaus asks his other brothers which only increases the awkwardness in the car, so thick you could cut it with a butter knife.<br/>
“Yeah” comes the short response from Diego who is more than eager to open his door and leave. The other brothers follow him outside and into the academy, Luther, Vanya and Allison already inside.<br/>
“This is awkward” he mutters to Ben who nods<br/>
“Yeah, knowing our family I kinda thought they’d be a bit more well loud.”<br/>
“Actually I’m kinda glad they aren’t. We don’t really need to talk about this”<br/>
“What? Klaus no, you need help” Ben looks confused why would Klaus not want to talk?<br/>
“No Benny, I’m doing fine on my own. I’ve been fine on my own whole life”<br/>
“Klaus we both know that’s not true” He replies. </p><p>From across the room Luther clears his throat and the two look over at him.<br/>
“So” he starts<br/>
“So?” Klaus says nonchalantly<br/>
“Klaus, you need help” Luther says with a few nods from his other siblings<br/>
“Nah I’m good as is, Lu Lu”<br/>
“Klaus your starving yourself” Vanya pipes up from where she stands next to Allison<br/>
“Yeah and?” He scoffs as if they think he didn’t know that already. Do they really think he’s that dumb?<br/>
“You're dying” she tries<br/>
“Sister dear, I’m not dying. I’m not stupid as you guys seem to think.” He told Ana he wouldn’t die. So he won’t, he hasn’t died yet and his whole time on the streets he was starving.<br/>
“We don’t think your stupid, Klaus. We think you need help. This is dangerous you're practically a skeleton” Diego interrupts, Klaus beams at the compliment.<br/>
“Aww thanks dee dee” He genuinely smiles<br/>
“What the fuck Klaus. Tha-That’s not a fucking c-co-ompliment!” Klaus frowns slightly confused.<br/>
“I’m fine baby bro. Honestly it’s a glow up for me” Klaus does a small twirl as if showing off. He thinks it would have been a better twirl if he was wearing a skirt but that doesn’t matter. </p><p>“You fainted.” Five speaks up gaining the attention of the siblings. Everybody looks from Five then to Klaus, shocked. Besides Vanya who stays quiet, unlike Five she didn’t think much of Klaus’ fainting.<br/>
“Yes I know. Ben yelled at me for ages because of that like, oh my god it wasn’t even that bad” he directs the last part at Ben who frowns at him but then sticks his tongue at him.<br/>
“Drop dead” Klaus responds playfully<br/>
“Low blow”<br/>
“Hell no” Klaus smiles at the change of subject. As much as people liked to think it he didn’t actually like to be the center of attention. </p><p>“You fainted” Five repeats<br/>
“Uh yeah?” He responds like it’s not a big deal. Cause it’s not, he only fainted once he doesn’t get why Five seems upset about it. He used to faint a bit, it was easy to blame the drugs but he gets it now.<br/>
“How long has this been going on for?”<br/>
“Uh I don’t know? I guess it started when I was like fourteen but then I stopped when Ben died, then it started again in my 20s for a couple years and then it started again like a couple months ago?” He replies casually, his siblings all look upset and it doesn’t take long before a small argument starts, first between Diego and Five for not telling anyone that he fainted then Vanya joins in cause she also said nothing. That causes everyone else to argue on who did or not help Klaus, leaving Klaus standing alone with Ben. Ana stared quietly at him, unimpressed with his family. </p><p>“Wait what?” Ben says among his siblings shouts. Klaus looks over to Ben<br/>
“It started when you were fourteen?” He asks<br/>
“Well yeah?”<br/>
“Fourteen?” Ben looks like he’s been punched. Tears start welling in his eyes, he hates making Ben sad.<br/>
“Ben don’t worry it’s fine I promise. When you died I didn’t want to be like that around you! I stopped because of you! Ben, please don’t be upset”<br/>
“But you started again in your 20s?”<br/>
“Yeah I couldn’t help it. I’m sorry”<br/>
“Klaus don’t fucking apologise to me!” He yells joining in with his siblings. Klaus notices a few other ghosts join in the argument, obviously they are yelling about different things but the nose is getting to him. </p><p>“I’m sorry, I should’ve noticed. I just kinda thought it was the drugs and I mean sometimes you would eat but then there were times you would joke about your weight. Well I mean I thought you were joking” Ben looks down at his feet Klaus goes to comfort him but his ghost brother stops him before he can.<br/>
“I’m sorry I didn’t pick up on the obvious tells. Fuck and I’m sorry that I didn’t do anything when I was alive” Klaus stares at him, the ghosts get louder and louder. </p><p>Five’s heard of dead bodies start joining in on the yelling and Klaus whimpers putting his hands on his ears.<br/>
“Klaus?” Ben asks softly<br/>
“Loud” is all he responds with feeling a little stupid to be in his thirties and whimpering because of his “childish” fear. Ben looks a little empathetic<br/>
“Come on, let's go to your room and get your headphones, yeah?” Klaus nods and starts to walk upstairs.<br/>
“Hey where are you going?” Diego yells, slightly muffled under the waves of noise coming from the screaming stiffs.<br/>
“Room, headphones” is all Klaus gets out before continuing back up the stairs. He’s always careful with the stairs, afraid of what his siblings now make jokes about. The only way to shut Klaus up. He shudders and enters his room, Ben and Ana following behind. The latter has been quiet since Klaus woke up. </p><p>He assumes his siblings saw him upset and let him take his time since nobody had followed him. Klaus pries his hands from his ears and grabs his headphones from where they sit on his bed he hits shuffle and spreads himself on his mattress. A playlist full of 90’s punk songs that were as loud as the ghosts played in his ears. He laid there for what feels like an hour; it might have actually been an hour trying to ignore the ghosts. He closes his eyes and breathes the same breathing exercise Ana had taught him earlier. </p><p>He can hear the screams get louder after he closes his eyes and when he opens them he notices there are no ghosts currently screaming at him.<br/>
When he takes off one of the headphones only slightly he can hear them still downstairs, his siblings having stopped their loud fight long ago but the ghosts are not as sympathetic as them. Still screaming at their murderers and at Klaus. Even from downstairs he can clearly hear them, some begging for his help and others yelling at him for not helping. He feels so useless. The ones he heard earlier that were there but not really there had stopped when he opened his eyes. He looks around just in case though. Ben sits at the end of his bed reading somehow ignoring the yells. He takes his headphones off fully now. </p><p>“Ben” his brother looks over at him<br/>
“Yeah?” He puts a finger in the page and shuts the cover on his finger Klaus thinks he could use a bookmark. Ben always liked the personality of dog ears rather than bookmarks.<br/>
“Could you read to me? No never mind that’s stupid I’m sorry just go back to your book”<br/>
“Yeah I can” so Ben opens his book back up Klaus noticing “perks of being a wallflower” written on the cover in yellow blocky writing. Then Ben starts reading, not bothering to start the page over for Klaus but reads from where he left off, a large paragraph from the book that seems to require more knowledge than what Klaus had about the story and the characters. </p><p>“But right now, these moments are not stories. This is happening. I am here, and I am looking at her. And she is so beautiful. I can see it. This one moment when you know you’re not a sad story. You are alive. And you stand up and see the lights on the buildings and everything that makes you wonder. And you’re listening to that song, and that drive with the people who you love most in this world. And in this moment, I swear, we are infinite.” Klaus listens intently and watches as Ben goes to continue reading but Klaus stops him. </p><p>“I think I might just sleep now. I’m tired I’m so tired” he says and Ben nods moving from Klaus’ bed to the chair in his room that was out there for Ben.<br/>
“I’m tired” he says again to Ben who nods<br/>
“I know.” Klaus just nods leaving the two brothers nodding at each other. Klaus finds his headphones and switches to a quieter playlist. The idea of listening to something loud feels like a kick in the face to the paragraph Ben had read. Ben used to read to him when Klaus would wake up from his nightmares, he stopped doing that after an argument and even when they had made up Ben still stopped.</p><p>He moved his hand and felt his ribs under his blankets. They didn’t stick out as much as he’d like but when he didn’t look, and he just felt them he felt like they did stick out. He liked to think when he couldn’t see his ribs or any part of his body that they were different than they were. When he’d close his eyes he would think of what it looked like while feeling his collarbones. He’d think about other things too, like how he missed Dave. Or how he felt bad Ben had to be stuck with him. Klaus moved to change the playlist to one filled with songs from a roommate he had in rehab once. </p><p>She listened to indie and punk bands and couldn’t sleep without them. A lot of the songs talked about drugs, which Klaus thought was funny since she was trying to quit and since the drugs nearly killed her. She had the ability to put herself into rehab and not get tempted by songs about getting stoned. Actually he found it less funny now, he could see how strong she was, her self control. Now he was jealous. He found himself relating to a lot of the lyrics though and liking the songs a lot so he let some indie band sing him to sleep with a lyric about how much they hated themselves and how they were so high when they wrote the song. Even if it was only six o'clock he had fallen asleep.</p><p> Ben, seeing that Klaus was asleep, had let himself cry that day having had an impact on him that he didn’t want to show to Klaus. In his brother's sleep Klaus knocks his headphones off and they unplug from the music player, the sound quietly illuminating the now quiet room. Ben cried himself out listening to a band he’d only heard once singing about rehab or something like that when a lyric stands out “For the warning signs I’ve completely ignored” he doesn’t listen to the next line when his crying starts back up again. Klaus had been struggling with this since he was fourteen around the time when he started doing more than just weed and the time everybody started ignoring his nightmares. </p><p>Then the song says another line like most songs do “It’s no big surprise you turned out this way” and fuck it wasn’t a big surprise. He thought he could blame it all on Ana for doing this to Klaus but Klaus had always been like this. He’d always been like this and Ben had just never noticed or cared to notice. Even when Klaus was the only person he could talk to he still didn’t notice when Klaus would talk about eating when he was high, he would just blame it on the drugs and brush it off cause Klaus wouldn’t actually think stuff like that. But he did and he does. Ben wishes he was alive then mainly, so he can hold his brother and sleep next to him both bodies warm and comforting. He wishes he could sleep these feelings away. But he can’t and he’s gotta deal with feeling bad alone. </p><p> Maybe he’s a hypocrite for wanting Klaus to talk about his feelings but never talking about his own. But Ben is dead so it doesn’t matter his problems or how he feels. Klaus disagreed when Ben had mentioned it to him years ago saying that being dead meant that his physical body didn’t matter, but his emotional and spiritual body did matter. That confused Ben a lot but he thinks he got what Klaus meant. That his emotions still mattered, that the only difference in being dead and alive was the fact he didn’t have a physical body. His emotions and his needs didn’t change.<br/>
Sometimes he still feels things that are less emotions and more physical needs, now he feels tired. But it’s the kind of tiredness that’s a mix of an emotional need for rest and a physical need for sleep.<br/>
He thinks Klaus feels the same but while Klaus can sleep but not rest, Ben can rest but not sleep. </p><p>But Ben would never tell Klaus how tired he really is. He’s gotten better with seeing other people’s needs lately and being a little less of a jerk now that more people than Klaus know he’s there. He'll never tell Klaus, but he’s more tired than he’s ever been when he was alive. The brothers both stay that tired even while asleep, still so so tired. Of everything. So so tired. Of being Alive and so tired of being dead.</p>
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